


Book 1: The Shitty Start

by RedPineTree



Series: A Series of Unfortunate Events (Avengers Style) [1]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - A Series of Unfortunate Events, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Brian Banner's A+ Parenting, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Child Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, How Do I Tag, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Thor, Kinda, Odin's A+ Parenting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Protective Tony Stark, Steve is kinda a jerk, Teen Bruce Banner, Teen Tony Stark, They don't get hugs, This is way darker than I intended it to be, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor Needs a Hug, Thor speaks Danish, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPineTree/pseuds/RedPineTree
Summary: "Perished means died," Steve explained, sympathy expressed on his soft features."We know what perished means!" Tony snapped.Tony, Bruce, and Thor are all children adopted by Phil Coulson when a horrible accident causes them to become orphans. The three of them are forced to move in with their eccentric distant relative, Loki Laufeyson, a terrible actor with terrible plans. Will the three of them escape with their fortune, and more importantly, their lives?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Pretend like the summary isn't utter crap. I'm going to write this even if people don't like it.
> 
> Spin-off of Lemony Snicket's ”Series of unfortunate events” books and the Netflix show.

* * *

“I wonder why Agent wanted us to come to this crappy beach again. He knows how much I hate the outdoors. Ugh, sand in my shoes,” Tony complained as he walked, looking back a few times to ensure that his brothers were following him.

Tony Coulson, formerly known as Tony Stark, was the son of a rich, genius inventor. He had dark brown hair that he always liked to slick with gel and brown eyes. Being 15, he was the eldest of Coulson’s children. He himself was a genius and an inventor, his room always cluttered with random inventions and robots. After his parents died in an unfortunate car accident, leaving him an orphan, Coulson adopted him after seeing the boy’s obvious genius and quirky personality.

“Language, Tony. Phil would be pretty annoyed at you if Thor picked up on those words,” Bruce said, holding the toddler, Thor, by the hand. Bruce himself looked like he didn't want to be at the beach either on this wet, foggy day.

Bruce Coulson, formerly known as Bruce Banner, was 12 years old, making him the second eldest. He had dark brown curly hair, hazel eyes, glasses, and actually looked like he could be brothers with Tony. He was also a genius and loved to do science experiments and read. His father was an abusive drunk and his mother had been killed when he was right by his own father. Coulson adopted the boy despite his horrid anger management issues and Tony and Bruce had gotten along very well since the day they met. (They got along even better after Tony stopped trying to make Bruce mad.)

“Jeg synes det er dejligt udenfor,” Thor said, meaning, _“I think it is nice outside.”_

Thor Coulson, formerly Odinson, was the youngest of the Coulson children at the age of 4 years old. He had long blonde hair that he refused to let anyone cut, beautiful blue eyes, and therefore looked nothing like Tony nor Bruce. Thor’s father, a wealthy man from Denmark, had dumped him in an American adoption home when his mother had died. He spoke very little English (although he understood it quite well), which is why he wasn't adopted for multiple months. Luckily, Phil was fluent in many languages, including Danish, and he took it upon himself to teach Bruce and Tony it as well. Thor had a minor obsession with hammers (he always carried around a plastic one with him) and had already shown great talent in woodwork and carpentry.

All in all, the Coulson children were different. They were an oddly mixed team, but got along so well that one would think they were blood siblings.

“Only you could think that, Thor,” Bruce said fondly to the toddler, letting go of his hand and watching his younger brother wander the damp sand.

“Hvem er det i afstanden?” Thor asked, his energetic running coming to a complete stop as he saw a silhouette in the fog.  _"Who's that in the distance?"_

“Huh?” Bruce asked, turning around to see as well. Tony was silent as he squinted through the fog, eyes straining to see the man or woman who was approaching.

“You two, come closer to me. If it’s some creep, we run, okay?” Tony commanded, and Bruce herded Thor over to Tony. As the figure got closer and closer, the three brothers were getting more and more agitated, all ready to go at a moment’s notice.

“Coulsons!” A familiar voice called through the fog, and Tony let out a quiet sigh of relief as the figure came through the fog to stand in front of them. It was their father’s friend, Steve Rogers.

Steve was a large man, over 6 feet and easily weighing over 180 pounds in muscle. He was a high school teacher, formerly in the military, where him and Phil had met. His blonde hair was neatly combed, and his blue eyes were dark with sadness.

“Good morning, Cap,” Tony greeted with a smirk.

“Good morning, Mr. Rogers,” Bruce said with a small grin.

“Good morn,” Thor said, looking up at the man with curiosity.

“Hello, children,” Steve said, and if it was possible, he looked even sadder. Tony opened his mouth to say something that was probably rude, but Steve cut him off. “I have some very bad news for you three.”

Tony went silent, moving closer to Bruce and Thor. Bruce was tightly squeezing Thor’s shoulders, now eyeing Steve with dread in his eyes. Bad news was, well, never good.

“Your guardian...has perished. There was a fire back at your house.”

All three children stood silent.

“The firefighters came, but Phil, he didn’t make it out in time.”

More silence.

“Perished means died,” Steve explained, sympathy all over his face.

“We know what perished means!” Tony snapped, coming out of his shock. He couldn’t believe what Steve was saying. He knew that one day Steve was going to get him back for all his snarky behavior, but this wasn’t an acceptable prank back.

Bruce blinked rapidly, trying to stop tears from coming to his eyes. Phil was easily the best guardian he had ever had, and now he was just...gone.

“How- how’d the fire start?” Bruce asked around the lump in his throat. Thor let out a small whimper, and Bruce picked up his brother, allowing the toddler to tightly cling to his shirt.

“The cause of the fire is unknown yet. I’m very, very sorry for your loss. I’ve been sent here to take you three home until things get figured out with the bank.”

“Well, what if we don’t want to go home with you?” Tony growled, and Steve blinked at the aggression.

“Tony…” Bruce murmured quietly, and Tony deflated like a popped balloon.

“I- Mr. Rogers..” Tony muttered, and it was the closest Steve would ever get to an apology.

“I understand. It’s fine. Let’s go.” Tony, Bruce, and Thor followed after Steve, hearts heavy and minds roaring at the thought of how easily their old life had been ripped to pieces like one of Thor’s bad drawings and exploded into flames like most of Tony’s experiments.


	2. Chapter Two

* * *

“Here are some clothes. Dinner is in fifteen, so don’t be late. We’ll be having chicken,” Steve said, and as the three orphans nodded, he left the room.

“These clothes are so hideous. Just because Steve dresses like he’s from World War II doesn’t mean he has to dress us like this. When Phil comes back, he’s gonna laugh his ass off,” Tony said with a snort, looking at the new clothes Steve bought them in disgust.

“Tony…” Bruce started, looking at his own clothes. He cringed slightly at the newsboy cap that had come with his own clothes. “Tony. Phil’s not coming back. We saw the house. No one could survive that,” he said firmly.

It was true. Their whole house was burned to the floor. Every last bit, including Phil’s office, the library, Tony’s invention room, along with every single one of his inventions, and Thor’s few woodworks.

“Shut up, Bruce. You don’t know what you’re talking about. Phil’s not dead. He’s just...laying low. He probably had some epic escape tunnels under the house and got out through there,” Tony muttered, giving Bruce a dark look.

“You can’t live in denial forever, Tones,” Bruce said, flustered. Tony was being absolutely foolish.

“Watch me,” Tony simply said, and turned his back to Bruce.

Thor looked between his two siblings, upset. “Hvorfor argumenterer du, brødre? Hvis Phil er gået videre, så er jeg sikker på, at han er sammen med de store krigere i himlen,” Thor said quietly, in an unusual show of maturity. “Vi skal stoppe med at argumentere og holde sammen,” Thor continued.

Both Tony and Bruce were silent for a moment, considering their younger brother’s words.

“When did he get so wise? He’s freaking four,” Tony grumbled, but turned back towards Bruce. His eyes were hard and his expression was dark.

“He’s right. We can’t fight anymore. If Phil’s gone, he’s in a better place, and we can’t do anything about that. We have to stick together,” Bruce said, looking Tony straight in the eyes.

The tension dissolved, but only slightly.

No tears were shed, and no heads were bashed in.

* * *

Thor carefully scooped mashed potatoes into his mouth, trying not to make too big of a mess. Tony tried to make it seem like he wasn’t eavesdropping on Steve, who was in the living room, on the phone. Bruce mostly just pushed his food around the plate.

“Yes. Of course. I’ll tell them right away,” Steve said, and hung up. He made his way to the dining room, a too big, too fake grin on his face.

“Arrangements have been made for you three,” he said, taking a seat at the table, “You’ll be going to live with your distant relative. He lives just outside the city. His name is Lawrence Laufeyson, however he goes by Loki.”

“Phil never mentioned him,” Tony said with a frown.

Bruce swallowed a bite of slightly bland chicken. “How’s he related to Phil?”

“Er han rar?” Thor asked, getting crumbs everywhere.

“Well, Tony, Phil’s will states you must go to the closest relative, in this case, Mr. Laufeyson. He is the closest geographically, but not on the family tree. I’m not exactly sure how they’re related, Bruce. I think a cousin that was a few times removed. Thor...I have no idea what you just said. Don’t speak with your mouth full?”

“Thor’s asking if Mr. Laufeyson is nice,” Tony explained with an eye roll.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure he’s fine. I doubt the bank would let you three live with just anyone. They probably did a few background checks.”

Tony, Thor, and Bruce all exchanged skeptical looks. “If you say so, Cap,” Tony muttered, not believing the teacher for a single instant.

“If he lived so close, why didn’t Phil ever invite him over?” Bruce asked, an uneasy feeling stirring in his stomach.

“Maybe because he’s a busy actor and writer. And Tony, I’ve told you a million times, don’t call me Cap. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have papers to grade. You need to be packed up by tomorrow morning,” Steve said a bit snappishly, and got up from the table, leaving the three of them to finish eating.

* * *

“Well, this sucks,” Tony said, packing his ugly clothes into a small suitcase. He looked around the small room Steve had let them have, and briefly thought about stealing a few of Steve’s books. Most of them were boring history books about war and art, so he just left them.

“It could be worse. We could have been split up and dropped in a foster home,” Bruce mumbled, folding Thor’s clothes for him. Thor banged his plastic hammer on the ground, leaving small scuff marks on the wood.

“I wonder what this Lawrence is like. I hope he’s not a douchebag,” Bruce said, folding the last shirt and settling down on the bed next to Tony. Thor banged his hammer a few more times before walking over to Tony’s side of the bed. Tony picked him up and lay him down.

All three Coulson children couldn’t sleep a wink that night, all worried in their each individual ways about Mr. Laufeyson.

Tony wondered if he would be like Howard. Constantly drunk and never approving. His heart thumped faster as he remembered Howard’s disinterest.

Bruce wondered if he would be like Brian. Constantly drunk and aggressive. He shivered a bit at the thought.

Thor wondered if he would be like Odin. He didn’t know much of Odin other than his own father ditched him and left him for dead with no friends, family, and very little knowledge of the language spoken. He clutched his hammer tightly at the thought of being abandoned again.

Morning came too soon, and Steve rushed the three out of the house quickly. “Briskly, please. Briskly means quickly. I have to be in the school in an hour.”

“We know what briskly means,” Tony grumbled, pulling his tie. The clothes were even worse than he thought. Both he and Bruce were neatly dressed in pants, dress shoes, white collared shirts, a vest, and a tie. Bruce was wearing the hideous newsboy hat, mostly because he didn’t want to offend Steve. Thor had a pair of shorts instead of pants, and socks that nearly went to his knees.

They drove in silence other than Tony drumming his fingers in patterns on the window. Within half an hour, they were there. Steve pulled up in front of a beautiful, large house.

“Here we are,” he said, getting out of the car. The three children looked at the house with new hope in their eyes. Maybe this won’t be so horrible, they thought simultaneously.

The house was made of brick with a very nice wood door. Every inch of the grass was neatly groomed, no weeds in sight, and a concrete path led up to the door.

A woman with dark brown hair down to her shoulders holding a stack of books in one hand stood at the door. “Hello there! You three must be the children Mr. Laufeyson is adopting.”

Tony gave her a charming smile, his siblings following as he went to shook her hand. “Yes, we are. Tony Coulson. These are my brothers, Bruce and Thor. That’s Steve Rogers. We’ve been living with him since our guardian died.”

“I heard about the fire. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m Maria Hill.” The lady said with a small, genuine smile.

“Er du gift med Mr. Laufeyson?” Thor asked, giving Maria a hesitant smile.

“He’s asking if you’re married to Mr. Laufeyson,” Tony explained, and Maria immediately shook her head.

“God, no. I don’t know him very well, but he’s my next door neighbor,” she said, and as Tony, Bruce, and Thor looked over to the house next door, all their hearts sank.

The house was large and dilapidated, shingles falling off the roof, and windows broken. The entire house looked grimy and disgusting. A symbol of a small cube was crudely carved into the front door.

“Oh., Bruce sighed quietly. Everyone knew what he meant by that quiet sound. Who wants to live there?

“Maybe some day you can visit,” Maria suggested with another small smile.

“Yes, that’d be nice. Thank you,” Tony said, hiding his disappointment. The three children couldn’t help but wonder why they couldn’t have been relatives with Maria instead as they crossed over into the other yard.

Steve rapped on the door three times, and it opened after a small pause to reveal a man. The man was tall and pale, looking a bit sickly. He had long black hair that was neatly slicked back and a sharp angular face. His green eyes gleamed as he eyed the children.

“Hello, hello, hello,” Loki said with a grin that reminded Tony of a wolf. “Come in.”

Bruce tried very hard not to cry as he walked in and saw the mess cluttered around. Various items were scattered in the living room, including but not limited to, a golden ram horn helmet, a staff, liquor bottles, and lots of crumpled up paper.

“This room is very messy,” Steve said bluntly, looking around the room and coughing as he accidentally inhaled dust.

“I realize that my house is not a nice as you’re used to, but that could be helped with a bit of Tony’s fortune,” Loki said smoothly, and Steve’s eyes widened.

“Tony’s fortune is not to be used until he comes of age,” Steve coughed again, “and it will not be used for such matters.”

Loki snarled quietly at Steve, and Bruce flinched back, sure that there would be confrontation. Then, Loki seemed to relax, and nodded.

“Alright.” Loki shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me. Thank you very much for bringing the children, Mr. Rogers. I’ll show them to their rooms now.”

“Of course, no problem. Goodbye children,” Steve said, making his way out. “If you need me, I’ll be at the high school.”

“Goody, bye., Loki said cheerfully, and practically shoved Steve out of the house, closing the door behind him with a slam.

As he closed the door, his trousers leg slid up slightly, and Tony, Bruce, and Thor all saw a glimpse of a tattoo of the very same cube on the door. They couldn’t help but wonder how many more cubes were around his house, and if they would always feel trapped in that cube, even when Loki wasn’t around.

“Now...where were we?” Loki asked, turning around with a smirk and eying the children with his shiny, shiny, pale green eyes.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel guilty for not updating when you guys are leaving such kind words.
> 
>  
> 
> I BEG YOU, READ THE END NOTES.

* * *

First impressions are often wrong.

When Tony first met Bruce, he thought Bruce was going to be a complete stick in the ass, annoying jerk. When Bruce first met Tony, he thought Tony was going to be some stuck-up, rich asshole. Both of them were wrong.

Unfortunately, they weren't wrong about their first impressions of Loki. Creep, was Tony’s first thought. Greedy was Bruce’s. Scary, thought Thor.

“And here's your room. I hope it will be adequate for your rich orphan asses.” Loki had sneered what felt like years ago, but was actually only nine days ago.

“I hate this damn room,” Tony grumbled, shifting around on the floor as sunlight streamed into his eyes from the broken windows. Loki had only provided the three of them with only one bed; Bruce and Tony took shifts sleeping with Thor on the lumpy, uncomfortable mattress after an unfortunate incident where all three of them attempted to sleep on the bed and Thor was nearly speared in the eye with a loose spring.

There was no closet, so the three of them had left their clothes in their suitcases. They did this partly for convenience (so that whenever Steve would come rescue them, they could be ready and packed in a matter of minutes,) and partly because the room floor was disgusting, grimy, and none of them wanted roaches in their clothing.

Loki apparently wasn’t fond of children playing, so instead of any toys for Thor, there was just a pile of rocks. Bruce offered to teach Thor the type of each rock, but Thor quickly declined before Bruce could go on a “science ramble.”

The worst part of the whole room was that the only decorations on the wall at all was a painted picture of the same cube that Loki had on his ankle, reminding them Tony, Bruce, and Thor that they were trapped with this greedy, scary, creep until Steve came to their rescue.

“We all hate this room,” Bruce groaned, getting off the bed. “I wonder what Loki will have planned for us today. More wood chopping perhaps?”

“Jeg har stadig splinter,” Thor complained.

“Same, Thor. I fu- freaking hate splinters,” Tony agreed, quickly changing his wording at Bruce’s raised eyebrow. “But, we’re going to have to do it eventually, preferably before that creep gets back from whatever the hell he’s doing in that tower.”

Together, the three of them got out of bed, brushed their teeth in the rusty old sink, and went down to the kitchen to have breakfast.

As usual, there was a bowl of gray, old-looking, lumpy oatmeal for them each (that was as unappealing to the taste buds as it was to the eye). Bruce forced Tony and Thor to eat it, reminding them that they’ll never know when they’ll get their next meal. Tony scoffed at his reasoning but ate it anyway.

Tony eyed the list as he ate spoonful after spoonful of the disgusting slop, nearly spitting it out as he reached the end of the list. “My theater troupe is coming for dinner tonight. You need to clean, buy the food, cook dinner, clean up after we eat, and stay out of our way. Money is in a bag by the door,” Tony read aloud to the others who shared concerned glances.

“Laver mad?” Thor echoed at the same time Bruce asked, “Cook? We’re completely screwed.”

“Don’t you think it’s ironic that we can do things like chop wood, fix ceilings, and repair the television, but not cook?” Tony said, voice completely void of amusement. “Usually it was Agent who did the cooking…”

It had been true. Phil had been a complete whiz in the kitchen but whenever he asked if any of the boys wanted to help, they always declined, claiming to be busy with other things. After a failed attempt with Father’s Day breakfast, the three of them basically refused to step foot in the kitchen, Thor always wailing about how it was going to spontaneously combust any moment soon. They had no idea they would regret skipping Phil’s lessons in the future.

“As they say, hindsight is 20/20,” Bruce muttered, stirring his own oatmeal. He stopped for a moment, looking down and clenching his spoon tightly. “I wish Phil was here. He wouldn’t have left us in this crappy place with fucking Loki and shitty chores and one damn bed and an asshole of a guardian!” Bruce yelled, slamming his palms on the table as he suddenly stood up, pushing his chair backwards.

“We hate it here too,” Tony said, putting a calming hand on Bruce’s back. Bruce gave Tony a slightly relieved look as Tony began rubbing his palm on his back in circular motions, calming his brother. “I hate everything about Loki and everything about this place. However, not to sound cliche or soft or anything, we have to stay positive. It’s what Phil would have wanted us to do.”

Suddenly, Thor banged his hammer on the table and Bruce and Tony jumped out of their moment. Thor gave them a slightly apologetic glance before making a gesture towards the list again.

“Right, thanks Thor. First things first...we need a cookbook,” Bruce started, and Tony nodded before frowning.

“Too bad I haven’t seen any da- uh, dang books since we got here.”

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Tony jumped, which he would deny doing to his dying day. “I wonder who would want to visit this creep,” he muttered, already making his way to the door.  
“Måske er det en besøgende til os?” Thor asked, ever the optimistic one.

“Doubtful, Thor. We haven’t had any visitors since…” Bruce trailed off just as Tony reached the door. He peered through the peephole, face immediately breaking out into a wide grin as he did so.

“What, is it Steve?”

“Even better. It’s Maria,” Tony said, opening the door, grin straightening out into a polite smile. “Ms. Hill, how nice to see you again!” He nearly invited her inside from instinct, but stopped himself last minute, taking note. Maria held herself like a police officer, or something of the sort. Confident, walked with purpose, cool, calm and professional. Dangerous.

If he invited her in, she might think that their living conditions were all wrong and might call CPS before Steve could even come bail them out, whenever that was.

“I apologize for not stopping by sooner,” Maria said as Tony stood in the doorway, Bruce and Thor making their way over as well. “I wanted to see how you three were setting in with Laufeyson, but I got a bit held up with business.”

“What type of business?” Bruce asked, head tilting slightly. “If I may ask, that is?”

“Nothing too big,” Maria said with a shrug, and Thor mumbled, “Hvor vagt.” As Maria’s attention was temporarily diverted, Bruce and Tony exchanged a wary look, silently agreeing to be careful around Maria.

“He said he likes you,” Tony lied, not wanting Maria to be insulted by the toddler’s snarky behavior.

“I see,” Maria hummed, “So, how are you three getting along? Anything I can do for you?”

Tony, Bruce, and Thor all exchanged looks. There were many things Maria could do for them like, “Smuggle another bed into the house,” or “Make Loki stop being such a douche,” or “Bring Phil back,” but instead of saying any of those things, Bruce simply said, “Could we borrow a cookbook? Loki wants us to make dinner for his...friends tonight, but we can’t find any sort of book at all.”

“Cooking for friends? That’s a bit of responsibility,” Maria said, and Tony coolly replied, “Loki wouldn’t have given us the chore unless he was positive that he could do it.” What he really wanted to say, “Would you arrest us if we ran away?” But he could hold his tongue sometimes, so he didn’t say it.

“Of course,” Maria paused. “Well, you could always come with me to my house and try to find a good cookbook.”

The three agreed reluctantly, following Maria from Loki’s shabby, dilapidated house to her neat, brick one. They followed her through the kitchen, which smelt of coffee and made them miss Phil even more (Phil was basically a coffee addict), and into another large room. Bruce nearly fainted as he saw the size of Maria’s library, books stacked everywhere, shelves as tall as the ceiling. The only place that there weren’t books was the middle of the library where there was a table with chairs and lamps, perfect for reading.

“Wow,” Thor blurted out, speaking for the three.

“Thank you,” Maria responded with an amused smile. “I’ve been collecting books for years. You’re welcome to read them as long as you keep them in good condition. The cookbooks are the ones on the eastern wall, you can go ahead and look at them.”

“Yes,” Tony replied, and then added, “Perhaps afterwards I could look on your books on engineering? I like to invent.”

“And I’d like to look at a book about physics, perhaps? I was thinking of becoming a physicist in the future,” Bruce said.

“Træværk!” Thor exclaimed, meaning “Woodwork!” as he hit his hammer on the floor.

“Of course. It’s nice to see young people be interested in books,” Maria said, smiling. “But perhaps we should check out the cookbooks first and find a recipe.”

As Bruce took the lead, searching through cookbooks, Tony kept one eyes on the books, and one on Maria. It hadn’t gone unnoticed to either of them that she had chosen the chair closest to the door.

Finally, Tony found a dish that looked somewhat appetizing and fairly easy to make. “Meatloaf. I mean, how hard can it be to make that? Everyone likes meatloaf! All we need is like ground beef, onions..uh, other stuff.”

“I trust your judgement, Tony,” Bruce snorted, putting his own book down. “Okay. Let’s ask Maria if we can borrow the book.”

As they walked out of Maria’s house, book held in Tony’s hand, they couldn’t help but wonder if with Maria and her library, they could cook a pleasant life for themselves as easily as making meatloaf for Loki and his accomplices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor translations:
> 
> Jeg har stadig splinter- I still have splinters  
> Laver mad?- Cook?  
> Måske er det en besøgende til os- Maybe it is a visitor for us  
> Hvor vagt- How vague
> 
> BUT HEY I NEED HELP!
> 
> As you may recall, Count Olaf had a troupe with people like the "Hook-handed man," the "pale-faced twins," and the "person of undeterminable gender." 
> 
> So who do you guys want to see in Loki's troupe? Please respond in the comments! Can be any antagonist from any show/movie in the MCU. (EXCEPT X-MEN)


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Child abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse

* * *

After going to the market and buying the ingredients they needed (with an escort from Maria, who refused to let them go to the market alone), Tony, Bruce, and Thor had all the things they needed to make meatloaf with a side of delicious chocolate brownies (from a box). All three boys agreed that if you didn’t like brownies, then it was concrete proof you were evil.

“Thank you for the escort. I guess we don’t really need the book anymore,” Tony said, trying not to look slightly disappointed as he looked down at the cookbook that he was still carrying. He didn’t really enjoy cooking, but reading material was reading material.

“You’ll probably need it in the future. Keep it. Something tells me meatloaf will get tiring after awhile,” Maria replied. “Well, here we are. I hope to see you three there soon. You all seem like rather intelligent children. Rather in my library than just sitting around in the house, right?”

None of the three children mentioned that they had never even had the chance to sit around the house. “You can come tomorrow if you’d like.” Maria finished and Bruce smiled hesitantly.

“Thank you, Mrs. Hill. Tomorrow before we use your library again, Tony and I would be willing to do a few chores for you. Thor might be a bit young, but he could probably find something to do to help as well,” he said, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles in a nervous gesture. He didn’t really want to do chores, but his father had always told him that you always repay actions.

(Like if Bruce was crying, he’d be repaid with a punch to the stomach. Or if he asked for food, he was given a slap on the face.)

“Don’t worry about it. You’re always welcome in my home,” Maria replied with a smile, but it looked slightly strained and a bit more like a grimace with a hint of anger. Tony quickly nudged Bruce with his elbow as he saw Maria’s hand twitch like it wanted to be closed tightly into a fist.

“Well, we ought to be going. Thank you for your offer and the book,” Tony said quickly, grabbing Bruce and Thor and making a hasty retreat.

Once they were back inside, Tony turned on Bruce. “You just had to offer,” he drawled, giving Bruce an unimpressed look.

“Well sorry, we can’t all be Mr. Charisma like you, Tones,” Bruce retorted, making his way over to the table and putting down the bags.

For the remainder of the afternoon, Tony chopped the onions, Bruce basically did everything else, and Thor hid under the table, just in case the kitchen combusted. (Tony only had time to chop the onions because he kept taking breaks to cry. He wouldn’t admit if it was from the onions or something else.) As the meatloaf cooked, Bruce took control over the brownies, apparently being slightly less likely to mess up written instructions.

Just as Tony was putting the brownies into the oven to cook and bringing the meatloaf out, the loud creak of the front door caught the three’s attention.

“Orphans,” Loki greeted, sliding into the kitchen.

“We’re just finishing up dinner sir,” Bruce said, fidgeting nervously as the black haired man gave a small sniff.

“That doesn’t smell like steak,” Loki growled, the beginnings of a scowl on his face. “Where is the steak?”

Tony stepped forwards, half-way shielding Bruce. “We didn’t make steak. We made meatloaf, with a side of brownies for dessert.”

Loki’s face grew stormy as Thor added in, “Du fortalte os ikke, at du ønskede bøf.”

Loki’s eyebrows rose as he glared down at Thor. “What did you just say, you little twerp?” he hissed, and Bruce rushed to translate. “...He said that you didn’t tell us...that you wanted steak.”

Loki’s eyes grew dark as he towered over the three of them. “In agreeing to adopt you, I’ve become your father,” (“Guardian.” Tony interrupted, but was ignored.) “I demand you serve steak, immediately,” he snarled, eyes burning as his face began reddening.

“How dumb are you? We literally just told you that we made meatloaf, not steak,” Tony hissed, and without warning, Loki shoved Tony. The eldest stumbled backward, turning last minute and causing his chest to collide solidly with the table. There was a moment of stunned silence. Tony panted quietly, wheezing, hand held near his heart.

“Tony!” Bruce exclaimed, and at the same exact time, Thor began crying loudly.

“Stop that infernal screeching!” Loki roared, picking up the large four-year-old with a surprising display of strength for such a scrawny man. Thor just cried harder, too upset and scared to do anything else.

“Put him down!” Tony growled teeth gritted as Bruce jumped up, trying to reach Thor. Loki grinned widely, lifting Thor higher. “What’s the magic word, brats?” he sneered.

“Please put him down! Don’t drop him!” Bruce shouted, his efforts to reach Thor fruitless as Loki smirked. Bruce’s own face was quickly reddening, fist clenching, a telltale sign that he was about to punch something or someone. (in this case, the unfortunate soul to be punched would be Loki.)

“Loki? Where are you?” Various voices called out, and Loki froze, thankfully not dropping Thor as a few people walked into. There was a giant beast of a man, bald and ugly with grayish skin. Behind him stood a skinny yet muscular man with silver hair and eyes that seemed to glow red, a man whose face looked like a very, very, red skull, and a shorter, somewhat friendly looking man with a bald head and a graying beard. The last man seemed to have some sort of protective gear vest with a large, glowing circle in the middle, but that was the only thing odd about him.

“Loki, what are you doing?” The silver haired man asked, eyes narrowing slightly as he stared at the scene before him.

“I’m disciplining these filthy orphans. I asked them to make dinner and all they made was meatloaf.”

The man with the red skull frowned, peering at the children. “So these are the wealthy children you told us about.”

“Yes,” Loki said, “they’re awful.” With that, he put the still crying Thor back on the ground with a large sigh. “I hate them so much, I feel ill just touching them.”

“I don’t blame you. Children are such burdens.” The giant man snorted, and the small group chuckled.

“Ah well. Let’s drink some wine and hope that we’ll be too drunk to care about what we eat by the time the brats serve us their food.”

There were cheers of agreement at Loki’s suggestion and they all followed Loki out of the kitchen and back into the living room. No one even glanced at the children except for the man with the protective gear. He stopped, eyeing all three of them, but rather smiled at Tony.

“You’re a handsome one,” he muttered, eyes shining with interest and delight. “I hope that whenever Loki’s done with you, he won’t wreck that pretty little face too much. You’d be quite a nice prize for me.” Tony flinched back at the man’s words, and the bearded man laughed quietly as he trailed after the group.

Bruce held Thor tightly as the younger continued to sniffle, trembling in revulsion and anger as Tony quietly wheezed. He was looking down at the counter and seemed as if he was trying not to throw up. None of them spoke for a moment before Bruce finally broke the silence.

“This is absolutely terrible. Loki is even worse than we thought,” Bruce murmured softly. “Tony-”

“Give me a moment, Bruce. My chest is all fucked up,” Tony snapped, but it wasn’t in anger as he felt around his chest for any broken bones.

“Jeg er bange,” Thor said, finally stopping crying, although his face was still red.

“So am I, Thor. But what can we do?” Bruce’s last word was drowned out by loud banging in the other room.

“Are they pounding on the table? What are they, five?” Tony sneered, and Bruce sighed as Loki’s “friends” began to chant, “Food! Food! Food!”

“We better serve them. I like my face as it is,” Tony muttered, straightening up with a wince.

“You’re in no condition to do that. I’ll serve them. You and Thor stay here,” Bruce said sternly, giving Tony his “no-nonsense” look. Tony gave Bruce an incredulous look, but the curly-haired teen had already grabbed the meatloaf and was heading out of the kitchen.

Tony wished that he had cooked the meatloaf because he would have accidentally poisoned it somehow, and they’d be rid of Loki and his horrible friends. Within fifteen minutes, Bruce was back, minus a complete meatloaf.

“Are you serious? Did they take the whole thing? What do they expect us to eat?” Tony complained. “We can’t even eat the brownies because Loki probably wants the tray to look perfect when we serve it.”

“Be honest. Would you have been able to eat anyway?” Bruce asked dryly, but he looked like he wholeheartedly agreed with Tony as he sat down on a chair next to his brother and Thor banged his toy hammer on a chair leg.

Soon enough, the pounding started up again, and Bruce once again insisted on serving. He took the brownies out to the table, wincing at the mere stench of alcohol and intoxication that hit him directly in the nose. It was obvious that every single person at the table was drunk as they all slouched and loudly talked to each other, laughing the whole time.

“Orphans! Come here,” Loki called after dinner was over, and the three children had no choice but to come.

“My accomplices and I are going to tonight’s performance of the new play. Unfortunately, you three haven’t cleaned up, so I suppose you can’t go,” Loki said, earning a few snickers from the group as he smirked. “After cleaning up, you are to go straight to your beds.”

Bruce glared everywhere but Loki as he clenched and unclenched his fists, getting angrier with each word that Loki said. “You mean our bed. Your sleazy, cheap ass has only provided us with one bed!” he shouted.

Immediately, every eye in the room turned to Loki, and there was a singular cheer of “Confrontation!” from Loki’s odd group. Loki raised an eyebrow, grin sharp.

“Well, if you would like another bed, you can always go into town and buy one tomorrow,” Loki said calmly.

“You know we don’t have any money.” Tony piped up, ignoring Bruce’s annoyed look. Loki now smirked, seemingly pleased at this answer.

“Oh, but you do. You have a fortune right under your noses.”

“That fortune isn’t to be used until Tony comes of age!” Bruce spat, and Loki’s eyes grew dark as night when he said that. With a sudden growl, Loki lashed out and struck Bruce hard across the face. As his glasses went flying across the room, Bruce fell to the floor, instinctively curling into a ball. Loki’s friends all cheered, and the large, ugly, bald one suggested with a dark chuckle, “Let me teach him a lesson, boss.”

Loki’s eyes shone malice as he grinned. “Of course, Abomination. But we’re leaving in three minutes, with or without you.”

Tony darted in front of Bruce, who was still curled in a tight ball. “Don’t touch him!” he yelled as Abomination approached, but he was easily swatted out of the way like he was a fly. He flew backward, straight into the hands of Loki’s group, and there was much drunken giggling as they restrained him.

Abomination grabbed Bruce by the collar of his shirt like he was a kitten and dragged him out of sight. The only thing you could hear was Bruce’s enraged yells and loud, icy laughter.

“Let go!” Tony practically screamed, struggling as he tried to squirm out of the silver-haired man’s grasp, and finally shoving him off. The silver-haired man stumbled backward, drunker than he looked, and the world seemed to freeze as he came crashing down right on Thor.

Thor let out the sound of a puppy being stepped on, and even Loki winced a little at that.

“Alright, you’ve had your fun, idiots. We’re leaving now,” he directed, obviously not caring enough to see whatever damage he had caused. Abomination appeared, sans Bruce as he waltzed back into the kitchen, and without a word from anyone, there was a loud boom as Loki led his accomplices right out the door.

Tony immediately rushed to Thor’s side, picking up his baby brother, who had been oddly quiet the whole time during the fight. “You okay Thor?” he asked, eyes desperately seeking out any scratch or bruise on the child’s skin.

“Ja,” Thor replied quietly, clinging to Tony’s shirt like he would never let go again.

“Let’s go find Bruce. He can check over you better than I can, kiddo. Ha, I’m sure he’s coming around that corner anytime soon. Bruce!” Thor didn’t respond to Tony’s nervous rambling, allowing his older brother to keep talking.

“Bruce? Where are you?” Tony called, rapidly walking down the hallways near the kitchen, ignoring his own pain in his chest. It felt like his heart was about to explode out of his ribs. “Bruce!” He had made a promise to Phil to keep his siblings safe. “Brucie!” What type of brother was he? He had just let his younger brothers get hurt.

“Tony!” Tony whirled around at the faint sound coming from the door at the end of the hallway, immediately jogging towards the noise. He unlocked the door, and Bruce came spilling out, falling as he did so. He what was already going to be a bad black eye, and a bright red mark on his cheek from where he had been slapped.

“Oh, thank God, Tones! I thought I was gonna be stuck in there forever,” Bruce cried, scrambling to his feet and embracing his brother tightly. Thor let out a tiny whimper, starting to cry again, and before anyone knew what was happening, all three of them stood in that dark hallway, crying and hugging.

The sobs turned to sniffles, and sniffles to silence as the three brothers cleaned up, turned off the lights, and as Bruce made makeshift bandages for all of them, they were so caught up in the commotion that none of them had noticed Thor still hadn’t said a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far, Loki's troupe is as followed: 
> 
> Loki  
> Ultron  
> Obadiah Stane  
> Abomination  
> Red Skull
> 
> A pretty good collection of villians, I think. If you caught my reasoning behind it and put it in the comments, I give you an "amazing" prize. 
> 
> Maybe if you enjoyed, leave a kudos and a comment? They make my day :)
> 
> -Red


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been through some shit this month guys.
> 
> May all you few readers enjoy this chapter. It took me for-fucking-ever to finish it. Mostly because I strayed a bit from original conversations, cut out quite a bit, and added some new stuff? Also, I'm on a writer's block and the only reason why I'm updating is that updates are once a month.
> 
> Yes, Steve is a jerk in this chapter, but don't blame him. He's stressed out. We also get to see some deliciously angry and protective Tony. 
> 
> (Just a pre-warning. Some of this is written in "British English," however, most of it is written in "American English." So certain words (smouldering), are written in the British variant, but other things (Mr. instead of Mr) are written in the American variant. I'm not doing this to be annoying or inconsistent. It's just the way things turned out. This also means that my spelling is correct (hopefully), so please don't correct me. Grammarly has annoyed me enough. You've been warned.)

* * *

The next morning, the three brothers woke up sore and exhausted. Tony’s chest ached, Bruce’s black eye had gotten worse and his ribs felt like Abomination was still kicking them, and Thor still wasn’t talking.

The morning note from Loki said to chop some firewood in the backyard, and as Tony and Bruce took turns chopping the wood, Thor made tiny structures with pieces of wood.

“I don’t think we can stay here much longer,” Bruce began, swinging the axe down on a piece of wood with a bit of difficulty. “I’d rather take my chances on the street.”

“We would never survive, Bruce. We need to think what Phil would have wanted. He’d have wanted us to at least have a roof over our heads,” Tony replied, leaning against a tree trunk behind Thor as he combed through the toddler’s golden locks.

Bruce snorted quietly, stopping for a moment. “I wish your money could be used right now instead of when you get older. Then we could buy our own house, or maybe even a mansion far, far away from Loki.”

“I’d have a lab with a particle accelerator and an AI and as many cars as I could ever want,” Tony said wistfully, a grin gracing his face as he thought about it.

“I’d want a lab too. With lots of computers and cool tech that you’d probably build, Tones. A huge library filled with science papers and magazines…”Bruce trailed off, waiting for Thor’s input.

“Woodwork,” Thor said simply, giving Bruce and Tony, no duh looks. Not as many words as Thor would usually use to explain his passion, but at least he was speaking again.

Tony and Bruce both rolled their eyes at Thor’s attitude, and Bruce put the axe down, rather sitting on the tree stump he had been chopping on, chin on his palms. “Thinking back to our...problem, I wish Mrs. Hill would adopt us, as odd as that sounds. I don’t want to trust her, but it’s better than Loki.”

“She did say we could use her library. Perhaps we could hide out in there for a while,” Tony joked half-heartedly. “We both know it would never happen. Adoption is a huge decision, not just one you make on the spot. Unless you’re a greedy bastard named Loki.”

“Steve,” Thor mumbled, and while Tony gave Thor a slightly incredulous look, Bruce looked thoughtful.

“No. All Steve will do is say we complain too much and we should be grateful for what we’ve been given. Then he’ll launch into a childhood story about when he was a scrawny twig and could break in half.” Tony said. “And even then,” the eldest continued, “who is he more likely to believe. A “good” person who took us in during our time of need, or three “spoiled” orphans?”

“Thor has a point though, Tony. I know you don’t like Steve, but these bruises are basically evidence. He shoved you into a counter, Tony. A counter. If Steve believes us, we get out of this wretched place and never have to come back again, nor see Loki and his horrible friends.” Bruce’s eyes held a small glimmer of hope in them, something Tony hadn’t seen for what seemed like a depressingly long time.

Tony was silent, jaw clenching and unclenching as he thought of the benefits of the plan. Loki had slapped Bruce. His friend had stepped on Thor. They had one bed. If that wasn’t some form of abuse and neglect, then he didn’t know what was. “And what if Steve calls Loki?”

“Then Loki knows that Steve’s watching. He’ll have to lay off.” The spark of hope in Bruce’s eyes had now turned to pure determination, and Tony sighed.

When Bruce was determined to do something, he would do it. If he was determined to convince Phil to buy them a dog, he’d make a long slideshow about the benefits of dog keeping. If he was determined to beat Tony in a book race, he’d do it. Once the glint in his eyes turned steely, there was no way to make him step off the warpath.

“Fine,” Tony said, giving into his younger brothers' idea. “Let’s finish chopping this wood.”

Taking turns, the two eldest Coulson brothers chopped firewood at an amazing speed while Thor constructed a tiny house from wood pieces. They didn’t know exactly where the school was, but they walked to town, hoping to find exactly where Steve taught.

Luckily, there was only one school in the city. Unfortunately, there was a number of classrooms and a majority of them were empty due to summer vacation, so the three brothers walked around the hallways trying to find which classroom Steve was in.

Finally, they found his room, classroom E-2 (World History). To their dismay, it was full of teenagers who had most likely failed Steve’s probably impossible class and now had to do summer school. Also, Steve wasn’t there.

The moment that the brothers walked in, Thor clutching Tony’s hand tightly the class went silent. Then, there was an eruption of noise as the students began clamouring.

“Oh my god, are those Mr. Rogers kids?”

“Damnit, I knew he was taken.”

“Aww, they're so cute! I could just pinch their little cheeks!”

“You do realize that this means that Mr. Rogers is just a jerk for being a jerk? He's not actually lonely like we thought.”

“Hey! I thought I told you guys to be quiet while I used the bathroom!” Steve shouted as he entered the room, and the room returned to dead silence. “Unless you want to run 15 laps around the school tomorrow morning, you kids better be quiet,” Steve finished, quieter but still stern. “You three,” Steve’s gaze landed on Tony, Thor, and Bruce who had been silent from the beginning of the class’ outburst to the end, “hallway. Now.”

The three children scurried into the hallway wincing as Steve slammed the classroom door behind them.

“What do you three need? As you can probably see, I’m busy, so if you could make it fast,” Steve said with an air of impatience that was very unusual for the man.

“Sorry that we neglected to contact you first, but we find ourselves in an urgent situation,” Bruce began, feeling that his conversation was on thin ice. Steve was impatient and cranky and one wrong move could possibly have the older man slamming the door in their faces.

“Loki is crazy. We can’t stay with him any longer,” Tony said, completely ignoring Bruce and getting right to the point. “He hit Bruce, see? Look at his bruise.”

“But did Bruce do something that warranted punishment?” Steve asked, and Bruce bit his lip, looking down. He had yelled at Loki. Maybe he did deserve it a tiny bit. His confidence was completely wrecked, and Tony felt rage rise in him as the spark of determination died like a smouldering flame.

“What? Steve, don’t tell me you’re going to side with Loki here? There are other ways to punish a child. Slapping and kicking is abuse! He shoved me into a counter, and one of his friends stepped on Thor. Don’t you dare tell me that’s acceptable punishment, Rogers! Don’t you dare even try to blame this on Bruce!” Tony spat, bristling furiously.

Steve straightened up, face flushing slightly, and voice cold. “I doubt any of you are familiar with the term, ‘in loco parentis,’ so I will explain it to you. ‘In loco parentis’ means, ‘acting the role of a parent.’ It is a legal term and it currently applies to Mr. Laufeyson. Now that he is your guardian, Mr. Laufeyson may raise you as he sees fit, and if that includes corporal punishment, I can’t change it.” With that, Steve turned around, walked back into the classroom, and slammed the door on the three children.

“Bruce literally has a black eye!” Tony shouted at the closed door, but his brother just sighed. “Leave it. Guess you were right, Tones. No one's going to believe us.”

“Steve’s a piece of crap anyway,” Tony spat, angrily walking down the hallway, towards the exit. “Don’t believe a single fucking thing that comes out of his mouth Bruce, you hear me? You didn’t deserve what Loki did to you. None of us did.”

Bruce didn’t agree nor disagree with what Tony said, rather muttering, “Language,” while picking up Thor and quickening his pace to try to keep up with Tony’s “furious fast walk.”

They stalked out of the school and stood in the street, unsure what to do next. Tony silently fumed for a few minutes before saying anything.

“I suppose it’s getting late. Wouldn’t want Loki to ”in loco parentis” slap us again for being late,” Tony drawled, voice heavy with sarcasm.

With that, they began their journey back to the house. They were indeed late and were deprived of dinner as a punishment, rather being sent up to their room.

“This day has been horrid,” Tony grumbled from his place on the ground. “I vote we never go see Steve again.”

“Ditto.”

“Samme,” Thor agreed, stomach rumbling quietly.

“Here Thor.” Tony passed his secret stash of dried blueberries to Bruce, who gave Thor a few. “I know it’s not much, but I’ve been keeping them around just in case of a scenario like this.” Tony explained, ignoring the faint pain in his own stomach (and chest) as he stashed the packet back in his suitcase. “I’m thinking tomorrow we go see Mrs. Hill. Look around her library. See if there are any books about “in loco parentis” or whatever.”

“I guess I could go for a read. I’ve been wanting to read about trains lately, for some reason.”

“Tror du hun har nogen bøger om ulve?” Thor asked, and Tony snorted. Thor’s two main interests: woodwork and animals.

“I’m sure we could find you something, Thor,” Bruce said, and as silence filled the room, followed by quiet snores, Tony decided it wouldn’t harm his brothers if they didn't know about his revenge fantasies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danish to English: 
> 
> Samme- Same  
> Tror du hun har nogen bøger om ulve?-Do you think she has any books about wolves?
> 
> Kudos make me pretty happy. Not as much as comments though. Leave a comment for my poor, depressed soul? I love to talk, mostly because I'm a lonely fuck.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang guys, we're almost halfway through. 
> 
> I really struggled with this chapter because I had two ideas for the play, but I hope that you guys enjoy the way it turned out.

* * *

The next morning, when the brothers shuffled sleepily from their bedroom and into the kitchen, instead of a note from Loki, they found Loki himself sitting there doodling on a sheet of paper.

Tony froze in place, his siblings bumping into him as Loki looked up. “Good morning, orphans. I have your oatmeal already in bowls for you.”

The brothers took seats at the table, each staring at the oatmeal with mild anxiety. To them, it was obvious that something horrible was inside the oatmeal- maybe broken glass or cyanide, or maybe even ethylene glycol. Instead, there were fresh blueberries sprinkled on top.

“Um...thank you,” Bruce muttered, eyeing the berries warily. He didn’t know of any plant identical to a blueberry that could potentially cause harm to the consumer, but Loki was a bag of cats. You could basically smell the crazy on him.

Seeing the children’s suspicion, Loki took a blueberry from Thor’s bowl, and popped it into his mouth, making a show of chewing and swallowing.

“Aren’t these just delicious?” he asked. “I personally preferred blackberries as a child, but I suppose to each their own.”

Tony shuddered as he pictured Loki as a small child with the same pale, shiny eyes and slick, oily hair, and creepy smile. Then taking a spoon and glancing at his brothers, he took his spoon and began eating the blueberry coated oatmeal. Loki had eaten some and nothing had happened to him yet, not to mention if they went down, he was going down too for murder. Taking a cue from Tony, Bruce also began eating, and Thor basically scarfed his down like he hadn’t seen food in days.

“Yesterday, I received a phone call,” Loki began, eyes shining, but face serious, “from Mr. Rogers. He says you went to visit him.”

All three children simultaneously thought, crap, as they exchanged glances, something that was not unnoticed by Loki.

“Guilty, hm? Rogers told me about your complaints of my form of discipline, along with your difficult adjusting to the wonderful shelter, food, and responsibility I have given you so graciously, without a single thought of my own needs.” Loki let out a loud, dramatic sigh, looking at the three with disappointment. “I’m sorry you’re ungrateful brats,” he apologized.

Tony gritted his teeth, gripping his spoon tightly. “I’m sorry that Rogers bothered you,” he muttered. He knew Steve would probably tell, and he had warned Bruce, but Bruce hadn’t listened and now Loki was going to be mad and everything was going to be worse for them. He didn’t even realize that he was starting to hyperventilate until Bruce quietly murmured, “Calm down, Tony. We’re fine.”

Tony took a deep breath, trying to even his breathing and pushing down his panic.

Starks don’t cry. No emotion, Anthony.

It was a motto that Phil had tried to erase, but Tony still followed it sometimes. What Phil didn’t know never killed him. (Except it did, Tony’s mind reminded him helpfully.)

Loki was giving them an odd look, a mix of perplexed and smug, but continued his lecture of sorts when he was sure that he had their attention again.

“I am actually rather glad that he bothered me,” Loki said, “because you three are now my children and I am your father and I want you to be comfortable here.”

“Du er en fattig far, og jeg nægter absolut at kalde dig en.” Thor spat coldly, glaring at Loki with a deep hatred that was unusual for the youngest Coulson.

“Er...Thor says that he is grateful for your efforts.” Bruce lied, praying that Loki hadn’t learned Danish in an incredibly fast time.

“Lately, I know I have been standoffish due to the stress of multiple theater performances,” Loki said, misusing the word standoffish and further proving to Tony that their new guardian was a complete idiot, but his chest still hurt and he was pretty sure that Loki wouldn’t mind giving Bruce or Thor another bruise, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Therefore, to make you feel a little more at home, I would like you to participate in my next play. I believe that if you take part in my work, you won’t run off and complain to Mr. Steven Rogers,” Loki sneered the man’s name, and Bruce silently wondered what else Mr. Rogers had said to Loki.

“How would we participate?” Tony asked, finally saying something after his rare, momentary silence. “Hopefully not more chores.” Tony mentally scolded himself after seeing Loki’s face darken at his sarcastic comment.

“Actually,” Loki said icily, “the play is called The Triumphant Treaty and written by the great playwright Ikol Fealusynos. We will give a single performance, this Saturday. It shall be about a smart, courageous, army leader, played by me. In the finale, he forces the leader of the opposing force to sign a treaty, ending the war. _You_ , Troll, will play a soldier,” Loki then ignored Tony’s correction of Thor’s name, “and _you_ , Bruce, will play the opposing general’s second in command.”

“We’re shorter than most adults. Won’t it look odd to the audience?” Bruce asked, and Loki waved him off.

“Nonsense. Some people are just shorter than others.”

“Could I build sets? I’m very handy with tools.” Tony spoke up before Loki could assign him whatever horrible role and this stupid play.

“Build sets? Such a handsome face shouldn’t be hiding backstage.” Loki reached out and gripped Tony’s chin tightly, the other stiffening as Loki caressed his face. “No, no, no…you’ll play the opposing general, my boy.”

“But I’d like to be backstage.” Tony choked out awkwardly, attempting to push Loki’s hands off his face. Loki’s eyebrows rose, a sign of anger and his hand slid down a bit, so he was grabbing Tony’s throat, although loosely.

“But your role is so important, despite your singular line. ‘I, Anthony Coulson, surrender.’ I’d like for you to voluntarily participate, but if you refuse then I’ll make you. Just remember that.” With that, Loki gave Tony’s throat a squeeze before getting up and walking up the stairs to his forbidden tower.

“Jesus, Tony are you okay?” Bruce immediately asked the moment he heard Loki’s footsteps go completely quiet. “He-”

“Yes Bruce, he had his hands all over my throat and face and it was awful,” Tony snapped, cutting Bruce off. “But I’m fine. Something’s up. Rather, Loki’s up to something. We have to participate in this play. Act enthusiastic about it- get on his good side. We’ll figure it out and have him stopped by the end of Friday.”

“This has to be a plan to get your money, Tones. I’d suggest we ask Steve, but after last time…” Bruce snorted bitterly, glaring at the oatmeal bowls before collecting them and beginning to wash and dry them. “He’s the one who even got us in this specific mess.”

“Yeah. No Steve. If anything, we go to Maria.” Tony put the bowls in the cupboards, being careful not to stretch too far and end up hurting his chest or something again.

“But she’s also Loki’s neighbour. I know there’s something off about her-- how do we know she’s not secretly in cahoots with Loki?” Bruce asked, taking off his glasses and rubbing the lenses, something he often did when he was frustrated or anxious.

“Book!” Thor shouted suddenly, and Tony was reminded of his words from the previous day.

“That’s right Thor! I had completely forgotten. I said we were going to visit Maria today anyway, we even went over and asked her for permission, remember? Loki hasn’t left us any chores, let’s just go over and see what we can find about inheritance laws and parental laws in general.”

“Fine by me, but I don’t think I’ll be picking up any books on trains today,” Bruce said with a rare, sly grin. “I think I may decide to go into law.”

“Please don’t bro. You would probably be a horrible lawyer, awful and... _standoffish_ , shall I say?” Tony grinned back, picking up Thor from the ground, chuckling as Bruce full-out laughed at the word that Loki had used completely incorrectly.

Then the three children ran next door. Saturday was only a few days away and the children wanted to figure out Loki’s plan as soon as they possibly could, and stop it while they still could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're really picking up now. Here come the "exciting" parts!
> 
> Thor:  
> Du er en fattig far, og jeg nægter absolut at kalde dig en.  
> Translation: You are a poor father and I absolutely refuse to call you one.
> 
> Also... Ikol Fealusynos?  
> Loki Laufeyson.
> 
> Perhaps a kudos or comment for my old, broken soul?


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strayed pretty far from the book, it isn't even funny, but I hated how stupid Justice Strauss was in the books and I refuse to shame Maria like that.
> 
> There is a scene with lots of potential triggers, and I HAVE MARKED WHERE IT BEGINS AND ENDS WITH ASTERISKS AND "WARNING" IN ALL CAPS. For those of you who skip it, a small summary will be at the endnotes.
> 
> TWs: Child abuse, threatened rape (underage), strangulation, anxiety attacks, and neglect.

* * *

There is a multitude of books in the world, which makes sense because there are many different types of people. Bruce had a preference for books on physics, but Tony liked books about engineering, and at the same time, Thor loved books about architecture and wolves.

None of the Coulsons liked books on law.

“What happened to your face, Bruce?” Was the first thing Maria asked when she opened the door to her cozy, easily welcoming house that made all three brothers wish once again that she was their guardian instead.

“I-uh fell.” Bruce lied without a thought about it as Maria ushered them inside.

“Coulsons-“

Tony cut Maria off before she could say anything of use. “May we use your library? It’s kinda urgent.”

“Loki wants you to cook something again?” Maria’s voice had a sort of snappiness that implied she was either annoyed by Tony’s attitude or already tired of the day although it was only 10 a.m. in the morning. Tony had a feeling it was the former, not the latter.

“Something like that,” Tony replied, although it was more like Loki wanted to cook them alive and steal their money. “Please Mrs. Hill?”

“Fine. Just put things back where you found them, and don’t borrow any books without asking first. I’ll be in the garden if you need anything. Thor, would you like to join me?”

Before Thor could even say anything, Tony and Bruce both quickly cut in, “No!” They semi-shouted simultaneously. At Maria’s raised eyebrow, Tony swiftly picked up Thor, who clutched onto his shirt. “Thor isn’t feeling very well today. Wouldn’t want him to eat some dirt and throw up or something.” It was only a partial lie. Last time Thor had eaten dirt, he did throw up.

“Okay. You need anything, I’m outside.” With that, Maria turned and went outside, and all three brothers let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m pretty when she says anything, she really means anything and that makes me feel...weird.” Bruce shuddered.

“Why do I fu-freaking feel like she knows more than she’s telling?” Tony asked, putting Thor back on the ground. The child took a seat under one the library tables and stated,

“Hun er meget skræmmende.”

“Agreed. Let’s just hurry up and read these books so we can get out of here, preferably before she uses any mind tricks on us.” Tony said and began grabbing law looks at random. Soon enough, he had found several on inheritance law, a few on child welfare laws, and had picked up one on wolves for Thor to attempt to read while he and a Bruce struggled through law books.

“Child welfare laws?” Bruce questioned, seeing the collection Tony had picked up. “I thought you were joking.”

“We’ll see if in loco parentis is bull or not,” Tony muttered as an answer, picking up the first book on inheritance law. By the end of the first chapter, he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Ugh...this is so boring. Find anything yet?” Tony whined, putting the book down as the words began to swim before his eyes. Thor was asleep on top of the book about wolves, plastic hammer tucked firmly in his grip, meaning at some point he had become bored and started playing with it before falling asleep.

Bruce was snoring lightly, drooling over chapter twelve in his book. “Bruce!” Tony pushed his brother lightly who immediately started awake with a shout of “Weasels!” Bruce’s shout then woke up Thor, who sat up and hit his head on the top of the table.

“Shi-“ Tony’s curse was cut off as Thor began wailing loudly probably in a mix of the shock of being woken up and pain from the hard hit.

“Thor, calm down, you’re fine!” Tony couldn’t really think over the loudness of Thor crying. He remembered that Phil used to call the youngest, “Thunderer,” but could never really figure out why.

Well, now he knew.

“This is going to give me a migraine…” Bruce groaned, clutching his head as Thor’s cries only increased while Tony tried to calm him down.

Tony easily concluded that this was one of the worst days of his life. Thor wasn’t stopping crying, Bruce was on the verge of a raging headache, and Tony himself was pretty close to crying in frustration. This whole thing was his fault. If he hadn’t woken up Bruce-

“What the hell is going on in here?” Maria had entered the room during all the chaos. Upon seeing Maria, Thor immediately stopped crying, sniffling and whimpering quietly instead.

(It was something Thor did— Phil thought it had to do with him being abandoned at a young age. When Thor was crying and he saw an adult, he always stopped unless he was absolutely terrified. Phil had once asked him why and he had replied, “Bad children cry, and if I’m bad you won’t want me anymore!” Phil promised Thor that he would never abandon him, but Thor responded, “Everyone leaves,” in such a quiet, dejected voice that it had broken all of their hearts.)

One problem out of the way, Tony decided to ignore Maria’s question and focus on the next. Bruce was still clutching his head, looking a bit nauseous, but Tony figured that if they were quiet, he’d be fine. “Bruce?” He whispered, reaching towards his brother. Bruce flinched so violently that Tony was surprised he didn’t fall, but quickly retreated, rather going to Thor. It was obvious Bruce wasn’t good yet.

“Come on big guy. Shh...there, there and whatnot.” Tony murmured, carefully maneuvering Thor out from under the table. The blond clutched onto his shirt like he was a life preserver in the deep ocean, burying his face into Tony’s shirt and sniffling.

Bruce let out a groan as he took in the blessed silence and sunk into a chair, trying to ignore the painful throbbing in his temples.”I’m good. Sorry, Tones. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s good, Bruce. I shouldn’t have tried to wake you up. My apologies, Mrs. Hill. We didn’t mean to alarm you- I just spooked Bruce, and he panicked and Thor hit his head on the table.” The eldest said apologetically, rubbing Thor’s head as he spoke, trying to subtly feel for any damage.

He doubted Loki would care if Thor was injured, but Maria might be willing to direct them to a hospital if he was. He let out a mini sigh of relief as he felt nothing, not even a bump. Thor’s crying must have mostly been out of surprise, then.

“Child welfare? Inheritance? What’s happening, Coulsons?” Maria was eyeing the books they had removed from her shelf, a dark look on her face as she looked from Bruce’s black eye to Tony’s chest as if she could see the bruise under the shirt. “Don’t you dare bullshit me, I’ll know.” She added before they could even open their mouths.

Tony and Bruce shared a glance, simultaneously closing their mouths.

 _Should we?_ Bruce asked via a meaningful look.

 _I don’t know. What if she’s_ secretly _with Loki or something?_ Tony replied, and Bruce nodded.

 _So, no._ They both agreed

Which was when Thor blurted out, “Loki hit.”

“Loki hits.” Tony corrected without thinking, then cursed his stupid mouth. “Um...what he means. Is that…Loki hits the...um.” Tony glanced at Bruce for help, but the other just frantically shrugged. There was essentially no way to end that sentence well. “He doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Tony finally finished, ignoring Thor’s slightly hurt look. “He’s not completely fluent yet, I mean-“

“I said no bullshit.” Maria’s voice was sharper than a whip as she talked, issuing the children with an expressionless look. “How long has this been going on?”

“It hasn’t.” Bruce’s voice was firm as he finally spoke. “Nothing ever happened.”

“How long has this been going on?” Maria repeated a sort of fury that slightly scared Tony in her eyes. Bruce obviously saw it too, because whatever boldness he had just minutes ago disappeared as fast as it appeared as he sunk further into the chair.

“Mrs. Hill!” Maria straightened as she heard the call, a pleasant smile crossing her face in a matter of seconds as she turned in a fluid movement. She walked to the door, opening it, the visitor unseen to the children at the moment. “Oh, hello Obadiah, what can I do for you? Why did you not tell me that Mr. Laufeyson was having a performance Saturday?” She sounded excited, and as Tony saw her reapproaching, he put down Thor, slipped book on inheritance law under his shirt, and picked his brother back up in a matter of seconds.

“Yes, that’s correct. You’re invited, of course, Loki wanted me to give you tickets. He says they’re on the house, free of charge,” A chill went down Tony’s spine as he struggled to place the familiar voice, but he felt frozen to the bones as Maria rounded the corner with hearts in her eyes, and protective gear man from Loki’s troupe minus his gear, Obadiah, stood there with his friendly smile. Tony heard Bruce suck in a gasp, and the more Tony stared at his smile, the more menacing it looked.

“Anyway, I came for these three. They didn’t get permission from Loki before coming over. He’s been worried sick looking for them all day.” Obadiah’s eyes wandered as he spoke, stopping on the book titled, “Child Welfare Laws,” and then they landed on Bruce and Tony in a look that promised much pain in the future.

“Oh, really? Don’t do that again, children, you wouldn’t want to give your father a heart attack, or something.” Maria scolded, giving them disappointing looks. It was such a turnaround from the personality they had seen from her earlier that Tony couldn’t help but blink rapidly and try to figure out if this was all in his head. “Don’t just stare, young man, you and your brothers need to leave immediately.”

“Loki is very upset,” Obadiah added, and Bruce and Tony exchanged glances again.

_I take the beating this time. If he hits you, the book may fall out from under your shirt. Not to mention, Thor makes a good cover._

You saw _that?_

_I’m not blind, Tony. Now just agree so we can go. I’m not leaving until you agree._

_You shouldn’t be doing this._

_Well, you-_

“Okay, I’ve had enough.” Obadiah walked over, grabbed Tony and Bruce by the back of their necks, cutting off their non-verbal conversation and ignoring the pained noises they made. Thor whimpered, and Tony cradled him closer to his chest— Bruce was true. He did make a good cover for the book. “See you later, Maria.” Obadiah gave Maria one last charming grin before dragging the brothers outside.

“Ow, ow, ow-“ Tony breathed quietly as Obadiah continued to manhandle them across the street, over to their front yard, and inside the house, shutting the door with a slam.

******WARNING*******

“Shut up!” The older man finally yelled, throwing the both of them to the ground. All of Tony’s instincts immediately went to protect Thor, so he twisted as he fell and as he landed on his butt, he hunched, pulling Thor in closer to his chest.

“Loki doesn’t want any of you visiting that lady ever again, you hear?” Obadiah shouted, but it was considerably quieter than his first yell.

“Shame. We never returned her cookbook.” Bruce said quietly, and the bearded man walked over to Bruce, leaning over until they were basically face-to-face.

“You know, if Abomination hadn’t claimed you, I’d smack your little face right now. Loki could easily tear you apart, limb from limb, but he hasn’t yet, so be grateful. The moment he has your fortune, you’re off and who knows what will happen to you.” Obadiah made an inquisitive noise, then grinned, hand snaking up to Bruce’s throat.

“Oh wait, I know. You’ll be spending every day with your jaw open, wishing Loki had killed you as Abomination has his way with you.” Obadiah was how squeezing, Bruce making choking noises, and Tony was scrambling to his feet.

“That’s the thing about Abomination though. He doesn’t like his toys broken. I however...do. Perhaps he’ll give you to me when he’s done with your sorry ass and you’ll think back on this conversation and regret being a snarky little bastard as I force you to watch your brother be fucked six ways to Sunday.” Obadiah was now throttling Bruce, both hands wrapped around his throat as he snarled. Tony futilely kicked Obadiah in the leg, screaming at him to stop and Thor was wailing once more as Bruce struggled, hitting Obadiah’s arm with his own, but with every moment, it seemed he was becoming weaker, begging mid-choke, “Please, I’m sorry-“

“You little bitch!” Obadiah roared as Tony finally kicked him in the back of the knee. He released Bruce and spun around, backhanding the older teen. Tony stumbled backward, but Obadiah had apparently finished his assault on Tony and was now moving to Thor, towering over the crying child.

“God, just shut up already.” The man growled, drawing his arm back to strike Thor. Tony tried to stop him, he screamed, “Don’t!” but the resounding sound of palm hitting cheek seemed to echo and ring in his ears, just like the abrupt silence that came after.

Tony crumpled, finally giving in to the urge to cry for the first time that day. His brothers were hurt and it was all his fault. He never should- he should have protected them more. Why wasn’t anyone doing anything, surely the neighbors heard the racket. Why wasn’t Maria doing anything? The squeak of floorboards near his ear made him flinch and curl, and he heard Obadiah chuckle lowly.

“Give me the book, Tony.”

Tony basically threw the book at Obadiah, tears blurring his vision as they streamed from his eyes. “To think. This could have all been prevented if you didn’t steal it in the first place. What, did you think I was stupid? Maria might be, but I’m not. What did you think you were going to do with it, hmm? Try to end whatever plot Loki has cooked up?” Tony didn’t even try to answer, just curling up more with a quiet hiccup.

Obadiah paused, sneer on his face as he looked at Tony. “You know, Starks aren’t supposed to cry, but I’ll be honest. Both your fathers did a lot of crying right before they died. Now stop crying and clean up before I give you a real reason to cry.”

Obadiah pulled out his phone and as he began walking away, Tony distinctly heard, “I got them. Don’t worry about Maria. She’s basically eating out of my palm, so head over heels she doesn’t even suspect a thing. Though, I confiscated a book from Stark. Inheritance law, it was.” The man laughed. “I put them in their place, of course.” The talking faded as Obadiah walked up the stairs to the forbidden tower, and Tony laid on the ground in complete silence before drawing a shuddering breath and pulling himself to all fours.

He slowly crawled over to Thor, hardly daring to breathe, feeling as if the pounding in his throat could be heard by everyone. Thor was motionless except for the rise and fall of his chest, cheek bright red. “Thor?” Tony whispered, but the blond did not stir, evidently knocked out, perhaps even concussed. Had Obadiah really hit that hard? “Oh my God…” Tony mumbled, beginning to panic. “Oh my God, what do I do?!”

“Tony?” A raspy call came from behind him, and Tony turned to see Bruce rubbing at his throat. There were bright red fingerprints on his neck and Tony knew that would bruise.

“Bruce I’m so sorry. I-I c-can’t, I- he won’t-“ Tony knew he was crying again, shaking and trembling.

“Breathe, Tony.”

“Breathe?! How can I breathe?! Y-you were just- Thor!“

“It’s over, now, Tones. You’re having an anxiety attack, and you need to breathe.” Bruce sounded calm, way too calm for someone who had just been strangled-

“Bruce, my heart-“ It felt like it was beating out of his chest.

“Your heart is fine, okay? It just feels like shit because of the anxiety” Bruce shakily crawled over, cautiously grasping Tony’s hand and placing it on his own chest. “Try to follow my breathing.”

Bruce’s breathing was slow, and a bit uneven, a few breaths even making quiet wheezing sounds. It felt like forever before the panic began to subside, but when it did, Tony felt embarrassed. Starks weren’t supposed to show emotions. Starks were- Tony’s mind flew back to what Obadiah said.

******WARNING OVER******

“Both your fathers did a lot of crying right before they died.” He recalled suddenly, and Bruce, who was now focusing on a slowly awakening Thor, looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

“That’s what Obadiah told me. What if Loki was the one who set the fire?”

“Yes, what if Loki was the one to set the fire? What would you little brats do about it?” Loki’s sneer caused a flinch from both Tony and Bruce, the latter protectively curling over Thor.

“That’s right, absolutely nothing.” Loki continued, looking at the children in disgust like they were trash on a spotless floor. “Ugh, you three revolt me. Go have your showers and go to bed, and perhaps while you’re at it, think about why we will no longer steal. Maria was appalled to hear about how you three stole her book after she told you that you had to ask to borrow.”

“Thor needs medical attention,” Tony said, not moving. “Obadiah gave him a concussion. We don’t know how to treat-“

“And I need a fortune, but three annoying orphans are in my way. Hospital bills are expensive.” Loki cut the eldest off. “Now go shower.”

“Please. Father.” Bruce begged, feeling nauseous as he forced out the second part, and Loki gave a long-suffering sigh like Bruce was asking him to take a trip around the entire country. “Fine. Give the brat to me.”

Bruce handed Thor over to Loki without being asked again, watching in fear as his brother, still pretty out of it, grabbed onto Loki’s shirt, burying his head in Loki’s chest. Loki let out an angry huff but didn’t do anything except watch. “Go bathe, orphans. I don’t want to see you again tonight.”

Tony and Bruce scrambled to the bathroom, each taking a short, cold shower before brushing their teeth and going to bed. Tony fell asleep early, exhausted from his earlier emotional battles, but Bruce stayed up, waiting for Loki to return with Thor.

He never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the warning, Obadiah takes Bruce, Tony, and Thor back to the house, strangles Bruce and threatens him, saying that Abomination will rape him and when Bruce is broken, Obadiah will force Bruce to watch him rape Tony, all while strangling Bruce. After that, he slaps Tony and slaps Thor so hard that is renders him unconscious. Obadiah takes the book on inheritance law then reveals that perhaps he killed both Howard and Phil. Tony has an anxiety attack and is calmed down by Bruce. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hun er meget skræmmende- She is very scary.
> 
> Sheesh. Dark chapter for the holidays, but then again, I'm not feeling well.
> 
> Please leave a comment or something if you enjoyed, and I additionally have an important question.
> 
> For the next book, who would you like to be the next guardian? Nick Fury or Foggy Nelson?
> 
> Thank you for reading,
> 
> Pine


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strayed so far from the plot that this chapter is short. I'd planned to write another part, but I lost inspiration, so I'll likely just add that part on to the next chapter.

Bruce stayed up all night, waiting, trying to recall the short amount of information that he had read from the book from Maria’s house. He vaguely remembered reading something about signing over in a will. Maybe…Loki- what if the “treaty” was actually a will. For money to be received in a will, someone had to die though. Or…appear that they died. 

And from Obadiah’s words, it did not seem that they would be dying, at least not immediately. The thought still chilled him to the bone.

He could see it now— Loki makes Tony sign. The play ends. Loki’s henchmen kidnap Thor, Bruce, and Tony. Maybe they kill Thor to give the appearance of all three children being dead. Then Loki gets Tony’s money, Bruce and Tony are out of his way, and he lives the rest of his life, evil, happy, and as a millionaire.

Fuck. They were screwed. 

By the time the light outside streamed through the windows, Bruce had a rough idea of Loki’s plan. As the birds began to sing, and Tony began to stir, Bruce crept over to his brother’s head, shaking him awake.

“Hey, Tony. I figured out Loki’s plan. Wake up. We gotta find Thor and leave,” he whispered, and Tony cracked his eyes open.

“Wha? Plan?”

“He’s going to make you sign the treaty, but it’s actually a will. He’s going to kill Thor. Wake up!”

“Kill Thor?”

“Yes! Did you not just hear me?”

“Bruce, it’s a treaty, not a will. Go back to sleep,” Tony sleepily mumbled and turned back over and Bruce groaned, feeling fury run through his veins. 

He took off downstairs, slowing upon reaching the kitchen. Loki was sitting at the table, eating oatmeal slowly. He raised an eyebrow upon seeing Bruce.

“You’re up early,” he said, and Bruce sat down at the other side of the table. “I know your plan.”

“Really?”

“You’re going to make Tony sign the treaty, but it will actually be a will. Then you’re going to murder Thor. But I’m not going to let it happen. I’m going to tell Tony, then Mr. Rogers, and Mrs. Hill. Then you’ll alert the authorizes and you’ll go to jail,” he said, his voice waver the only sign of his uncertainty.

Loki’s smirk grew bigger, eyes shining as he looked at the curly-haired boy. He didn’t move, didn’t grow angry, didn’t even clench his fist. He just smirked. “I guess you found me out. Go ahead and tell them. Take your siblings while you’re at it.” Loki went back to eating his oatmeal, and as Bruce got up from the table, a cold feeling settled in his stomach.

Bruce ran up the stairs, tearing the covers off the bed before remembering that Loki had never re-entered the room last night after he had taken Thor to the hospital. _If_ he had ever taken the youngest to the hospital for the concussion. 

“Tony, Thor’s missing,” he snapped, and his brother immediately woke up, eyes widening. “I can’t- I don’t remember Loki bringing him back last night.”

“How odd. I don’t remember bringing him back last night either.” Loki’s voice made Bruce’s hair stand on end as he whirled around so fast that he feared he might have whiplash. His eyes were shining brightly, and he was grinning, ear to ear.

“Where is he?” Tony demanded, getting up and checking behind the rocks, behind the curtains, even in their briefcases. 

“Thor!” Bruce called, but there was no answer except for the echo of his own call. 

“What did you do to him?” Tony growled, and to his annoyance, Loki’s smirk just grew even bigger. 

“What did you do to him?” Loki countered, watching the two brother’s search the room with amusement in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> The comment poll for Nicholas Fury vs Franklin "Foggy" Nelson as the next guardian is still up, HOWEVER, THERE IS A NEW CONTENDER. 
> 
> SCOTT LANG vs NICK FURY vs FOGGY NELSON! 
> 
> anyway, kudos and comments are very much appreciated, along with votes, but are always optional :)
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Pine


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so late on updates but depression came back and stabbed me in the ass. 
> 
> So...yeah. Short chapter.
> 
> Strayed from the original plot once more. Next chapter will be longer, I promise.

“It really is odd to find a child missing, isn’t it?”

“Where the fuck is he? I’ve you’ve hurt him, I-“ Tony started, but was effectively silenced as Loki wrapped a long-fingered hand around his jaw, continuing like the teen had never spoken.

“But then again, it seems the world is becoming more unusual, is it not? As a matter of fact, I believe if you orphans follow me outside, we can all see something odd.”

Bruce and Tony exchanged furious glances, but followed Loki through the house and out the backdoor into the weedy, fenced in, backyard. The wood they had chopped earlier was still there, along with Thor’s tiny structure. Tony glanced around, but couldn’t see anything in particular until he heard Bruce gasp.

He followed Bruce’s line of sight, letting out a cry of his own. From the window of Loki’s tower hung a cage, like one you would put a small, annoying, terrier in. Even from the ground, Tony could see it was cramped. It swayed in the wind, and Thor let out a very muffled shriek, face screwed up like he was trying his hardest not to cry.

“What the hell is wrong with you! He hasn’t done anything to you!” Tony turned on Loki, screaming and at the same time Bruce yelled, “He’s afraid of heights! You have to let him down!”

“I suppose if you really want me to let him go, I shall. Or rather, I’ll ask Obadiah to do it for me. But just remember that poor little Troll might not survive. It’s quite a long fall, isn’t it? But if you insist-“

“No!” Tony immediately cried out. “Don’t! Don’t drop him!”

“Don’t hurt him, I swear, we’ll do anything,” Bruce added, nervously glancing back up.

“Anything?” Loki’s eyes shone in a way that made Tony feel sick to his stomach. “Anything? Even signing the treaty in the performance?”

Tony stared at Loki, actually beginning to feel sick. Loki was disgustingly sly, even smart, though he was an abusive asshole. His tongue felt like it was coated with lead.

“He’s perfectly safe for now, but that can change, of course. It all depends whether you wish to avoid punishment. Punishment being the loss of your brother at this time. So, will you sign?”

Tony still couldn’t answer.

“Answer me when I speak to you!” Loki was angry now, a quiet growl starting in the back of his throat. “You think I need both of you to pull off his plan? Perhaps I should just kill Bruce to give you an incentive because you obviously think that I will wait, that I will hesitate-“

“If you let Thor go, I’ll sign it.” Tony was impressed by how strong his voice sounded, and Loki relaxed visibly, a slimy grin coming to his face.

“I will let Thor go. Go eat your breakfast and finish your chores and I’ll have Obadiah bring him down. If you don’t do as promised…” the threat was unfinished as Loki rose and stalked out of the backyard, but it was still there.

“I hope he rots in hell,” Bruce spat like an angry cat, and Tony nodded his agreement. Bruce didn’t seem to mind his silence though, fuming angrily as they returned to their room, got dressed, and got ready for breakfast. 

Obadiah came down with Thor, patted Tony on the ass, and within minutes, Bruce, Thor, and Tony were home alone, all silently eating mushy oatmeal, Thor in Tony’s lap. 

“Did Loki ever take you to the hospital?” Tony finally asked, and Thor shrugged, eyes fixed on his food.

“Did he hurt you?” Thor shook his head negative, and the silence reigned on, heavy and palpable like a thick smog. 

A knock on the door startled all three brothers. “Do you think it’s Maria?” Bruce inquired, sliding from his chair and moving towards the door, caution in every step.

“I don’t know. Maybe I should check just in case.” Tony shifted, and Thor clung to his shirt, a sign that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I got it. Don’t worry.” Bruce opened the door a crack at his own words, then stared.

“Hello, Bruce. Um...may I come in?” A painfully polite voice that belonged to only one person Tony could think of:

Steve Rogers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos really, really make my day :')


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this took a long time. Writer's block is a bitch.
> 
> And after seeing Thor: Ragnarok and Infinity War, writing Loki like this feels like I'm doing his memory wrong ;-;
> 
> ah well...I guess, enjoy the chapter?

“Mr. Rogers!” Bruce sounded as surprised as Tony felt. “I…” he glanced at Tony, definitely unsure what to do. Tony shrugged then, nodded. Steve had already told them that any bruises were their own fault, so there was no way that Steve would be saying anything to anyone about it. “Yes,” Bruce finished, opening the door wider. “Come in.”

Steve had a nervous air as he entered, eyes immediately landing on the dark bruising on Bruce’s neck to the bruise on Thor’s cheek. “I-”

“We stole a book,” Tony said emotionlessly. He really didn’t need a scolding from the teacher, particularly not after the events of the morning.

“Tony-”

Cutting off Steve, Tony hissed,“Yes, we understand that it was wrong and that we shouldn’t have done it. We don’t need you saying anything in addition to-”

“Tony!” Steve snapped, and all three brothers flinched, Thor letting out a tiny whimper. A look of guilt crossed the man’s face as he continued more quietly, “I just wanted to apologize for back at the school. It was just...not a good day.” He sighed, a sort of pained look coming to his face. “I talked to A-Mrs. Hill and she told me what happened. What’s happening. I’m sorry, Coulsons.”

“What are you going to do?” Bruce asked quietly, rubbing his neck seemingly unconsciously.

“I can’t take you out of Mr. Laufeyson’s custody right now, at least not until I arrange something with one of your other relatives. I would, but the process takes two days, and I’m not a fit foster parent.”

Two days was one day too late, Tony realized at the same time Thor spoke.

“Please,” Thor pleaded, the first words he had said all morning. “Tag os.” The desperation in his voice was clear enough for Tony to not translate, and Steve looked away, a flash of anger, frustration, and sadness passing over his face in a split second before settling on cold determination.

“I’m sorry, Coulsons,” Steve repeated, returning his steady blue gaze to the three brothers. “Keep out of trouble. I’ll do my best to be quick.”

* * *

Tony and Bruce did their chores, more out of fear of being hurt once more, than out of an actual desire to do them. All Bruce wanted to do was sleep, particularly because he hadn’t gotten much the night prior. Bruce was too tired to talk. All Tony wanted to do was kill Loki. Tony talked enough for the two of them.

They worked until evening, Bruce making pasta for dinner, and Tony waking Thor, who had slept fitfully the majority of the day, to join them at the table.

“Three days,” Bruce muttered through a forkful of pasta. “What are we going to do, Tony?”

Tony hated not knowing things. He hated not knowing _why_  Coulson had left them with his maniac, he hated not knowing _why_ Coulson had to die in the first place, and he hated not knowing _what_  to do to help the brothers that he had sworn to protect.

“I-” he sighed, clenching his jaw. “I don’t know. We just have to come up with a plan quickly.”

“We could scan our room for materials and-” Bruce quickly closed his mouth at the sound of the opening door. Loki strode into the kitchen, looking cocky as usual, pride shining in his eyes as he looked from Bruce’s tired face to Tony’s frustrated one to Thor’s upset countenance as a grin stretched across his face as if he drew happiness from their misery.

“Orphans,” the man began, eyes shining. He didn’t wait for a response as he continued, “I have some good news.”

“What is it?” Bruce asked flatly, pushing the food on his plate around with his fork.

“I’ve decided that you three will get the privilege, the honor, to stay in my tower until the play. That’s right. No chores, no books, nothing. Just you three, in the tower, practicing your lines.”

“How are we supposed to practice our lines when only one of us has a singular line?” Bruce asked, and Loki merely said, “Not my problem. Now clean up and get ready for bed. Immediately.”

The children did as told without protest, which was when they were escorted up the tower by Obadiah. The bed was small but did fit all three of them, which was a small mercy. The room was a cluttered mess between the metal cluttering the shelves and papers scattered on the floor. There was a picture of the cube on the wall.

Bruce fell asleep almost immediately, snoring softly with one arm curled around Thor, who had his eyes closed, but Tony could tell wasn’t sleeping. Tony couldn’t sleep. He was too busy thinking, trying to think of any solution, any way to get out of the awful scenario that life had placed them in when a particularly shiny piece of metal caught his eye.

“Bruce,” he whispered, shaking his brother lightly. Bruce jumped like he had never been asleep, awake and alert immediately.

“What is it, Tony?” he asked, checking the bed reflexively for Thor, who was still gathered in his arms.

“I’ve got an idea. But I’ll need our sheets and your strength.”

Together, they ripped the sheet into strips, trying to be as quiet as possible as to not arouse any suspicion from the guard they knew was standing outside the door. While Bruce finished tearing, Tony returned his attention to the piece of metal he had seen earlier. It was long and straight, almost like a rod...yet oddly malleable? Not malleable for him to bend it, but definitely sort enough to use something to bend it. Using another piece of metal, he formed a makeshift five-pointed, curved, hook before taking down the painting and using the wire that had hung it on the wall, attached it to the hook.

“Oh, I see,” Bruce mumbled softly, catching on. He began to tie the sheet strips into knots, making the tightest, most complex knots that he could in hopes that what they were forming, a rope, wouldn’t fail. “I hope this is long enough.”

“You and me both,” Tony responded, attaching the rope to the hook.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“I am going to throw this hook, hopefully, all the way to the dead tree in the backyard. From there, I’ll escape out the back and get to the school. Without me, Loki can’t get our fortune since it’s my signature he needs.”

“You’re going to leave us?” Bruce’s eyes were wide, but Tony rapidly cut his brother off, reassuring him.

“No, no. You’ll wait until I give you the all clear, then you’ll follow. The only problem I don’t know how we’ll get Thor down…since he’s scared of heights.”

“I’ll figure something out. I-” Bruce and Tony both froze at the sound of something outside the door. “Don’t worry about it,” he finished, sort of nudging Tony in the direction of the window. The curly-haired boy then began speaking to Thor in rapid Danish, re-explaining their plan to the youngest, who nodded solemnly.

Tony squinted, trying to see through the darkness of the night through the open window. Of course, he could just throw it at random and hope that it would land on the tree, but if the hook missed, the sound it would make as it hit the tower walls would surely alert someone of what they were doing.

He visualized the tree and its long, sprawling branches, hoping that his first throw would hit it, and he launched the hook out the window. It just barely hit the tree, which he could tell by the small rustle of the tree branch, followed by what felt like a deafening c _lang_  as it his the tower again.

 _Crap, crap, crap!_  Tony quickly pulled the hook back into the tower, praying that no one had heard it. He knew someone had when the loud, loud creak of the bottom stairs sounded.

“Hurry, Tony!”

“I’m trying!” Tony snapped back, throwing it back out once more. _Clang!_  The clang was followed by a loud pounding on the door, which was thankfully locked. Bruce was on his feet in a second, back to the door, pushing, as Tony tried one last time. The hook flew…

And stuck.

Tony couldn’t believe his luck as he rapidly tied the bed sheet rope to the windowsill. “I’ll give you the signal!” he called as he scrambled out of the window. He didn’t look down as he slowly moved down the rope, because he knew the fall was a long one that would kill him if he fell. The wind made the rope sway slowly, and Tony tightened his grip ever so slightly every time it shifted. It was only after he felt a branch beneath him did he let go, clinging to the branch like a koala.

“Bruce! Come down!” Tony yelled from his position in the tree. Bruce didn’t respond, but before Tony had time to do anything, the branch snapped, sending him tumbling. He desperately attempted to grab another branch during his descent, twigs leaving small cuts on his hands as they slapped him, but failed. He squeezed his eyes shut, flailing as the ground rapidly approached, expecting to break a bone on impact.

Rather than landing on hard dirt, there was a puff of air from both Tony and another as someone caught him. The eldest Coulson slowly opened his eyes, hoping that it wasn’t Loki who had broken his fall. Rather than seeing a pale, clean-shaven chin, he was met with a familiar salt and pepper and glowing metal circle through a heavy, metal chestpiece.

“Hello Tony,” Obadiah purred, grin sharp and toothy as he stared at the teen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Danish to English-
> 
> Tag os- take us
> 
> Comments and kudos are not mandatory, but they are very much appreciated :D

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will hopefully be once a month.


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